Hello, I thought it was time for me to write another journal.
I don't really have much to say, but I want to say a lot...
Who knows. I've just started writing most things down in my new REAL LIFE journal. It looks like something from another age, I suppose that's why I liked it...it looks like a map book from 18th century Singapore or something similar. The future makes me feel slightly ill, I don't really enjoy being told about what is to come these days.
I think I'm going to record a song from Miss Saigon on the acoustic guitar and put it on my myspace music page. I feel frustrated that have have neither a piano nor the ability to play one but maybe performing this on the guitar will give it a bit of an edge.
I listened to Schoenberg earlier, just to see if I could manage to get used to it after a while. I can't. I can't stand it. I appreciate Schoenberg's revolutionary ideas in the time that he was from but really, his music does not need to be imposed upon the aurally innocent.
I have a similar opinion on modern art. I saw something that Brett Anderson, a hero of mine said. Something like, "Modern art = I could have done that + Yeah but you didn't". It made me laugh...I suppose it's just something I'll never buy into. Fortunately Brett Anderson doesn't seem to do much modern art himself, and his photography is really rather "chic".
I can go on liking him. Even though his only review of the latest IAMX album said simply, "Kingdom Of Welcome Fail. Sorry guys."
I have to admit that made me laugh aswell. He's just...brutally honest, I suppose...
Like I mentioned, I have like nothing to say.
Except:
We're playing in Winchester with Scarlet Soho on the 27th of August. I hope. Because, you see, my band is falling apart at the seams and the only way to hold things together musically and professionally is to cut off friendships and use blackmail to get more alliances. It's quite an adventure, but the emotions required and the amount of acting that must be done is pretty difficult to stay on top of. Plus I'm sort of getting the feeling that I'm getting involved in things out of my depth during a time when I need concentration, i.e; basic qualifications for if all else fails, and I have to settle for a real job. Haha.
I'm pretty annoyed with myself for doing all of this distancing stuff. My instincts tell me it's the right thing to do and my mind can't be bothered to persue any of these relationships. Unfortunately my conscience says something like, "you should cut them a bit of slack." but then my conscience is pretty small so I'm kind of okay. You can't please everyone, and I've been attempting to please everyone for quite a while now and it just won't work. Balancing other people's emotions seems like a full time occupation. I think I find some kind of sadistic pleasure in it...
OH DEAR
This just deteriorated into depressing rambling. Apologies for all concerned, you know I love you really
XoXo